For the most part, Dylan can now heave his own self onto the couch, and thankfully we’ve moved on past the up/down saga.

Unfortunately, we seem to have entered a thrilling new stage, which I like to think of as Why Are Doctors So Goddamned Stingy with the Xanax, Is a Prescription With Unlimited Refills Really So Much To Ask For? It goes like this:

3728202792_c7f8d22ebe
HELP ME PUT THIS CUP ON MY HAND. HA HA HA I AM CRAZY CUP-HAND BABY I HAVE A CUP FOR A HAND HA HA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

(.02 seconds later)

3728202842_b5b80ae47e
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS CUP IS ON MY HAND IT’S ON MY HAND IT’S ON MY HAAAAAAND WHERE DID MY HAND GO IT’S GONE IT’S GONE OH MY GOD I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN AND SLAUGHTER YOUR CATTLE IF YOU DO NOT HELP ME IMMEDIATELY OH MY GOOOOOOOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

My sides are splitting I’m laughing so hard. Those photos and captions are PRICELESS, especially the second one.

I hope you’re keeping a scrapbook of these.

Loved yesterday’s update on Little D, too.

Rachel
Rachel
13 years ago

My son was born a couple weeks after Dylan, and I identify closely with many of your posts. This…This was genius and a perfect picture of one evening in my house. Laughing hysterically.

AndreAnna
13 years ago

Ha! I always make up dialogue for my baby’s mood swings!

vague
13 years ago

Photo # 2 = Pure Genius.

NancyJ
NancyJ
13 years ago

OMG that’s hysterical!

Sara
Sara
13 years ago

I have seriously never seen a better portrait. Or caption.

Karl
Karl
13 years ago

I love how the cheeks turn bright red and shine rays into the forehead wrinkles.

I’m sure it’s a lot cuter without the sound track, though…

kalisa
13 years ago

My favorite moms are the ones who take pictures of their kids when they’re having meltdowns. Seriously.

MzEll
MzEll
13 years ago

I totally just snotted from the hilariousness. Oh, ho, ho, ho… funny boy!

Michelle
13 years ago

Priceless and hysterical. I think it is important to document ALL parts of their lives, not just the ones where they look like angels.

Hillary
13 years ago

Oh dear! This is why I read you. That is too damn funny. My husband and I especially liked the part where you have Dylan threatening arson and cattle slaughter.

Tiffany
Tiffany
13 years ago

Hilarious. It seems similar to the “repeatedly climb up on the low coffee table and stand up and chuckle with glee while beating chest in pride…then minutes later scream in total horror and stand with arms out until someone comes and removes me from said table” phase we’re going through.

nonsoccermom
13 years ago

Hee hee hee. I know this game well, although at our house it is better known as the PUT THIS DRESS ON MY BABY DOLL NOW NOW NOW OMG WTF HAVE YOU DONE WHY IS THIS DRESS ON MY BABY OMG TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFFFFFFFFFFF I HATE YOU AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!!

It’s an awesome game.

Belle
Belle
13 years ago

Oh, I so do enjoy your little capsules of life. I miss those days of having young’uns around, and you always make me remember how crazy but fabulous those times really were.

Jillian
13 years ago

The only one that’s better than that is right before potty training when it’s “please change my diaper I stink” and then it’s “OH DEAR GOD WHY HAVE YOU REMOVED MY DIAPER? I HATE YOUR F-ING GUTS!”

jens
jens
13 years ago

oh god, i needed to laugh that hard after the day I’ve had. SO. DAMN. FUNNY. Those photos just kill me. My kids are a bit older than Dylan and I have one word for you: TWINS. And the Terrible Twos? Just go on and on, into the Terrible Threes and god help me (and you) with whatever comes next.
BTW, I am working on my Couch to 5K training and your bad ass is just one of the inspirational women whose blogs I read. So thanks for that, and the laffs.

samantha jo campen
13 years ago

You and Dylan crack my shit UP! Heee

samantha jo campen
13 years ago

Okay so I was laughing so hard Bryan wanted to know what I was reading. He read this and the up/down post and was all “How old is this kid?” “He’s exactly one month older than Theo.” “So Theo is going to be climbing the couch and all this stuff in about a month?!?! OMG!”

So now we have a freak-out about climbing. I apologize for him missing the point :-)

Crystal
13 years ago

HAHAHAHA!

Yeah.

I know that game well.

Kelsey
13 years ago

I about wet my pants and woke up half the house laughing at that one… thank you!

Linda
Linda
13 years ago

I normally don’t comment but um… that second pic and caption just about took it all out of me. HILARIOUS.

emily
13 years ago

Despite the fact that i live on the other side of the world, we seem to have very similar lives in terms of our children!! this post could SO easily have been written about my younger son. Your stories (while they may not always seem so funny to you at the time) crack me up time and time again!!!

Cookie
13 years ago

Funny as usual. Totally can relate. Thanks for making me feel less alone :)

sarcy
13 years ago

I always see my 19-month old son in your pictures of Dylan. They both have the command of a thousand emotions in their facial expressions. I can’t imagine the chaos if they ever were to meet.

Amanda
13 years ago

My oldest was oh so trying like this. You just could not make that child happy. He’s eight now and while MOST of that behavior is gone, we somehow formed a special bond during the hell he put me through. He’s my love bug and showers me with love and affection. I think of it as my reward.

Michelle Whitehurst
13 years ago

ROFLMFAO!!! Thank you!

Christina
13 years ago

Kids are great with their “quirks” as I like to call them… Oy.

Lori
Lori
13 years ago

Do you have a camera attached to your head to the right shot at the right moment?

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

That made my day. HILARIOUS!!

Val
Val
13 years ago

I saw picture #1 and I knew RIGHT where this was going. I have my own little 19 month old crazy man. :) Every day is a story isn’t it?

Andrea
13 years ago

priceless!

pickles & dimes
13 years ago

That second photo and caption made my week. Hee!

bouncy
bouncy
13 years ago

day = made.

Catriona
Catriona
13 years ago

Brilliant!

babelbabe
13 years ago

huh. we seem to be living parallel lives (except you’re waaaay funnier than me.) If I get a scrip for Xanax, I promise to share.

Amanda
13 years ago

That little dude in his little shoes with that fing cup on his hand … awesome.

Shelly
13 years ago

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA that second picture is THE most terrifying baby look I have ever seen!! Hilarious!

sheilah
13 years ago

HAHAHAHA!!! That is so freaking funny…

(I also feel like we are soulmates…love the Gladware container on the floor…I have one on my floor that has been there for 3 days…)

shriek house
13 years ago

Ok, so no one is going to tell Dylan 20 years from now that we were all LAUGHING at him in his cupped agony, right? It’s either that or cough up for the therapy bills…

Adelas (Della)
13 years ago

HA HA Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HAAAAAAAAA, you said, slaughter my cattle…. !!! major chuckles

Swiggy
13 years ago

That’s funny!

my favorite is when my Chipmunk (just a few months younger than Dylan) is so insistent that I pick him up he’s practically hurting himself to get me to do it. Then, when I do pick him up, he’s so pissed at me for doing so. So, when I put him down, the whole cycle starts all over again.

Sigh – they’ll be able to talk soon, right? Although, I didn’t fully understand my (now)6 year old until he was well past three.

Heather
13 years ago

F’in hilarious!!

Swistle
13 years ago

I love him soooooooooo much!

samantha jo campen
13 years ago

Came back, read it again, burst out laughing. Heee!

bessie.viola
13 years ago

Love this. Cannot stop laughing. This is also my life at the moment, only with the “up/down” on me.

“MUMMA! UP UP UP UP!”

Pick her up. Fresh wails of horror ensue. “GEH DOW!!! GEH DOW PEEEZ!”

Repeat.

K
K
13 years ago

I’ve read this about 5 times now and can’t stop giggling. You’re a gifted writer and have captured it perfectly.

Jen
Jen
13 years ago

OMG… I can’t stop laughing at this, there are tears! I can totally relate. I’m so glad I found your blog about a month ago.. I spent hours reading old entries… fabulous :)

Amanda Brown
13 years ago

I hate the term “LOL” but that’s what I just did. Laughed Out Loud at that second photo. So freaking hilarious!

Joanne
13 years ago

I’d get rid of those damn cups!

stormy
13 years ago

i just peed my pants.