NECESSITIES

Riley: (proudly showing his uncle Joe the Lego building he made) “And this is the getaway boat, and this is the extra room, and this wall is a little taller because it’s part castle.”
Joe: “Cool! Where’s the cannon?”
Riley: “Oh, it’s right here, in this wall.”
Me: “How did you know it would have a cannon?”
Joe: (disbelieving) “You’ve gotta have a cannon.”

THANK GOD HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE CLARISONIC

Riley: “Mom? Can I play with your thing, the plastic thing you have? The plastic thing that when you turn it on it goes bmmmmmm?”

DESPERATE BARGAINING

Me: “Hey! Dylan, did you track this mud into the house?”
Dylan: “Um. Um. Um. If my shoes did accidentally make that dirt but they didn’t mean to, would you be mad at me?”

FROM THE BOY WHO ISN’T PRONE TO VERBAL EXPRESSIONS OF AFFECTION

Dylan: (shyly, after I kiss him goodnight) “The baby whistlepig … the baby whistlepig loves the mommy whistlepig.”

TIME TRAVEL

Dylan: “Remember a long long time ago when Daddy made pancakes and I got to pour the syrup?”
Me: “You mean yesterday?”
Dylan. “Yeah. Also tomorrow I’m going to ride the bus with Riley to school because I’m going to be in kindergarten!”
Me: “You mean next fall?”
Dylan: “Yeah.”

ON MAKING CHORES LESS TEDIOUS

Riley: (rolling a ball across the table and into the toy basket) “This one had a little fun before he went away.”

Riley: (picking up the living room, one hand full of toys) “Look at this hand! This hand is like a party.”

EXOTIC TASTES

Dylan: “Can I have a dolphin pancake?”
Me: “A pancake cut into a dolphin shape?”
Dylan: “No! A pancake made out of real dolphin.”
Me: “Gross.”
Dylan: (rubbing his belly dramatically and smacking his lips) “MMMM. DOLPHIN. TASTES LIKE FIN.”

KEEN OBSERVATIONS

Riley: (examining my fresh-from-the-laundry bra) “I guess girl underwear is just really different.”
Dylan: “It looks like two Easter eggs!”
Riley: (doubtfully) “Ostrich eggs, maybe.”

HMMM

Riley: “Do kids go to jail?”
Me: “Well, no.”
Riley: “Okay.”
Me: “But why do you ask?”
Riley: “No reason.”

FOR ALWAYS

Riley: (snuggling with his ratty blue blanket he’s had since birth) “I just love my blanket so, so much.”
Me: “I know you do, sweetie.”
Riley: “Will I have it forever?”
Me: “You’ll have it as long as you want it.”
Riley: “What if it rips?”
Me: “We’ll fix it.”
Riley: “I know it doesn’t look like it used to. But it’s like that book, right? About the rabbit? It’s real now, isn’t it? And it doesn’t mind looking like this?”
Me: “That’s right. Because you love it so much.”
Riley: (burying his face in the cloth) “It’s real for always.”

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Eric's Mommy
9 years ago

Omg, the bra, haha

Marika
Marika
9 years ago

Just beautiful. I have a new baby boy and can’t wait for these sorts of moments!

Wendy
9 years ago

Oh. I just love this.

Baby whistlepig just kills me.

Melanie
Melanie
9 years ago

Y’know, I really miss your Parenting Poetry, but if this is an indication of your “next wave,” I’m good with that. :)

And yeah, Wendy, baby whistlepig. May I borrow a tissue? I believe I just got something in my eye….

Lorraine
Lorraine
9 years ago

I miss when you used to write columns.
Your kids are adorable but I wish you would write around this material rather than give your loyal subscribers quotes.

Lisa @ Lisa the Vegetarian

So cute! I love the one about time travel and the “ostrich eggs” quote. Very funny.

Lauren
Lauren
9 years ago

Seriously, Lorraine? These “quotes” speak for themselves.

Linda, I love this post so much it made me cry. I waver back and forth, back and forth about having kids. This column, ahem post, is one more for the ‘forth’ column.

“This hand is like a party!”

Jo
Jo
9 years ago

The ostrich eggs/bra quote, absolute gold!!

diane
diane
9 years ago

The whole post is very, very sweet. But yes, the ostrich egg bra comment–I guffawed out loud. (GOL?)

Junni
Junni
9 years ago

This is awesome. Tastes like fin.

Junni
Junni
9 years ago

Also, I must be time traveling, too. My comment says 2:48, but its only 1:50. Dun dunn dunnnnnnn!

bj
bj
9 years ago

I’m a little bit worried about the blanket that’s become real, like the bunny. Where does a real blanket live, and do? and eat?

bj
bj
9 years ago

I’m glad we got the ostrich egg clarification, ’cause I was wondering a little bit about the easter egg bra.

Lindsay
Lindsay
9 years ago

This was such a treat to read. You are on a roll!

Danell
Danell
9 years ago

Fantastic stuff, as always!

Amanda
Amanda
9 years ago

I continue to hope that you will write a book! Still laughing over the dolphin pancake. . .

NancyJ
NancyJ
9 years ago

Oh the blanket!
My son had a blanket and he sucked his thumb. He “worked” the blanket from bottom to top and then back again with the free hand with the other’s thumb in his mouth.
I asked him why does he do that? “I don’t know”. What does it smell like? “It smells…..PERFECT” LOVE

Meggan
Meggan
9 years ago

Tell Riley that my 31 yr old sister still has her blanket. It stays in a pillowcase for safety but she still loves it!

Aubrey
9 years ago

These sound like conversations at my house. Except with a 6 year old and almost 4 year old girls.

Kris
Kris
9 years ago

I love this so much. Probably my most favorite thing that you’ve ever written.

I feel all melty & squishy now. Your boys are the best.

Meg
Meg
9 years ago

Ah, your writing kills me–it is so wonderful!

I am having ‘a moment’ over the whistlepig conversation.

Angella
9 years ago

Lorraine is ridiculous. Next up, she’ll write you an anonymous letter in the mail.

Loved this, Linda. I need to document more of the little moments.

xo

Donna
Donna
9 years ago

Oh your boys. They are something. Whistlepig! Killin me smalls!
Ostrich eggs and real blankies….so so sweet.

Donna
Donna
9 years ago

Oh, my 5 yo grandaughter looked down the BACK of the 10 year olds shirt, and tells her I’m looking for growth spurts…..I thought I would die!

Lesley T.
Lesley T.
9 years ago

I loved it when a long long time ago I watched the Oscars, and then tomorrow I’m going to travel to Mars in my flying car!

Hehe.

Elle
Elle
9 years ago

I don’t know what is best, the bra, whistlepig or blanket…so sweet!

Emma
Emma
9 years ago

Thank you for the giggle this morning…I needed it on this rainy Monday morning!

birdgal (another amy)
birdgal (another amy)
9 years ago

Oh, the crazy shit that flies out of kids mouths. Thanks for this, it made me laugh.

Cheryl S.
Cheryl S.
9 years ago

It’s real for always. Sniffle! The Velveteen Rabbit is one of my favorite books.

melanie
melanie
9 years ago

love this post….

Melissa
Melissa
9 years ago

Love this. I have time travel conversations too, with the 5yo, she’ll be in Kindergarten in the fall too. Also about the bra…from the girl side, my 5yo says “that’s what’s different about daddys, they stand up to pee and they don’t wipe”. Good observations kid.

MuthaTeresa
MuthaTeresa
9 years ago

Love these! So much like the conversations at our house…
“Noah get Captain America’s head OUT of your nose!”
Yesterday, I knew I was in trouble because he called me Mamma Avery (his middle name).
;D

We have a blue blankie, too. *sniff*

Marolyn
Marolyn
9 years ago

Love it all… but the shoes making the mud/dirt…. swoon!

KeraLinnea
9 years ago

This was so awesome. I kept thinking “Oh, that’s my favorite! Oh wait! That one, that’s my favor–no, this one!!” Finally I gave up trying to pick the best quote. They’re all wonderful. How sweet and funny and just KID-LIKE your boys are!

Melissa
Melissa
9 years ago

You let Riley know my husband is 40 (so super old) and he still has his “yellow blanket”. When he is sick we have to get it out of it’s special box and lay it on him so that he gets better.

laziza
laziza
9 years ago

This had me laughing out loud. So great. And then I got to Lorraine’s comment and kept laughing – two for one!

anne
anne
9 years ago

Yeah, Lorraine. Seriously?

K
K
9 years ago

“TASTES LIKE FIN.”

Haaaaaa. Little wise acre. : )

Jenny
9 years ago

Some of these could be Calvin and Hobbes strips! Your kids are a HOOT!

willikat
9 years ago

So. Damn. Funny. Thank you for this.

Michelle
Michelle
9 years ago

This was wonderful. I laughed until I cried and then I cried. Your boys are great!

Tanya
Tanya
9 years ago

This is just such a lovely post. I love all your posts but this one really moved me. My kids are roughly the same age as yours (mine are almost 8 and 5) and I just love the stuff that comes out of their mouths but I never capture it.

Donna
Donna
9 years ago

More, please!!

Kate
Kate
9 years ago

What fun kids!

Laura
9 years ago

oh, the feels!! whistlepig? blanket? I love all of it.

rachel
rachel
9 years ago

so so lovely and hilarious. thank you!

Erin Killian
9 years ago

I love this post. Made me laugh and cock my head to the side and say, “Oh, that’s sweet!!” Thank you for this.

Becky
Becky
9 years ago

OMG the baby whistlepig. ‘sniff

Mandy
Mandy
9 years ago

I love the sweet ones, but the question about kids going to jail, with no explanation, has got to be tied for my favorite with the blanket quote. These are awesome.