Oct
17
Hello I am typing this from a coffee shop because one thing about Billy the kitten is that he is ALL UP IN ALL OF MY BUSINESS ALL OF THE TIME and generally I really enjoy that but it certainly makes typing on a keyboard difficult. There are aspects of the Maine Coon breed that contribute to his intensely curious and playful personality, plus he is, as I like to say many times a day in the most ridiculous high-pitched voice, just a baby!!!
In the time I have been here slow-sipping my latte I have managed to complete the transfer of service for my Verizon phone account and bill, a surprisingly arduous process! Just another chore in the long lineup of peeling apart shared lives, and while none of it has been fun I am looking forward to the Zoom meeting that’s coming up regarding my IRA. I have not managed any aspect of our family money over the years and I think it will feel empowering to share my own priorities and concerns with this particular financial team that I am, happily, feeling very comfortable with.
Boy, all the adulting that’s been going on. I guess that’s kind of a dumb term when you’re over 50 for crying out loud but that’s what it feels like, major grownup stuff, and I have of course had to do All the Things — setting up utilities, buying healthcare (HORRIBLE), billing and budgeting, planning for the just-me financial future I’m facing — and it’s been a lot because sometimes I feel like I am also personally just a baby!!
It’s all coming to a settle, though. All the big initial movements of the rocked snowglobe of my life have halted and things are floating down, the skies are starting to clear.
I was talking with my sweet wonderful therapist a couple weeks ago and she said, you get to live your whole authentic life now, and that really struck me. Yes, I do. I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want, in my lovely home that is just for me. I can make all my own choices and I don’t have to compromise who I am in any sort of way. Rising above the losses and disruptions of this time, what beautiful avenues and opportunities are blooming open all around me.
It truly is the very best and very worst of times. It is all of the things! Life has always felt that way to me and this season is just that with the contrast set to 100. It is the full meal deal and I feel lucky to experience it. All the hard leads to all the good. Eventually all things pass, even the interminable Verizon hold music. You are very important to us! says the robot voice and I am sitting here thinking, I am important to me now, I am my North star, I am the one behind the wheel.
And after I hit publish, I’ll go home to my Billy boy, one great gift among so very many. Pretty soon he won’t be just a baby, but what an incredible delight he is, here in the ever-changing right now.
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