Jan
23
Okay, here is the very last henna belly photo I will subject you to, unless of course you’d like to view the whole damn set, and who would blame you if you wouldn’t?
I took that with a tripod and the self-timer on my camera, and I put a dog-hair-covered black blanket behind me and then I used Photoshop to black out the remainder of the background and these photos are officially the most self-obsessed thing I’ve about ever done because seriously, it occupied me throughout Riley’s entire naptime today and I tried on all kinds of outfits and I took about a thousand crappy images and if you’re wondering about the goofily downturned head it is because I could not deploy a facial expression that didn’t make me look like I was trying to act like Demi Fucking Moore or some shit, but WHAT THE HELL, I’m a thousand months pregnant and it’s very unlikely I’ll ever be pregnant again and I kind of wanted professional photos to document this last stage but these will have to do, dog hair and all.
I posted these on Flickr despite the fact that there sure are a lot of skeevy people who enjoy favoriting maternity photos, every few days I’ll see that someone has added one of my pictures to their collection of ripely enormous women and I’m just thinking, the hell? I know we all have our kinks but big pregnant bellies, really? Poor delusional bastards, someday they’ll actually be with a pregnant woman and their fantasies will be rudely crushed by the decidedly unsexy reality of acid reflux, gas, congestion, and hemorrhoids.
In other, non-body-part-exposing blog content, I have two questions for you. First: I have a copy of All the Pretty Horses on my nightstand which I am loving but it is taking me forever to read, probably because my brain is utterly useless at this point since it’s full of PLACENTA or something, and I’m planning a trip to the used bookstore this weekend to stock up on some light reading. You know, beach books, except it’s January and the weather sucks ass. Do you have any suggestions for fast-paced, entertaining novels that don’t feature high heels on the cover?
Second: I’d like to create a book out of my entries back over at ClubMom, just as a keepsake for me. I’ve looked into Blurb, and although their software seems like it has the right features, it’s slow as hell and crashy and generally is a pain to work with (at least on my Mac, dealing with a LOT of entries and pictures — its performance may well be a thousand times better under different circumstances). I’d like to use something that can automagically grab my blog content while it’s still hosted on Typepad, and dump it into something I can print — rather than, say, me having to format everything myself in some big gnarly Word document. Have any of you had any experience with successfully doing this?
Jan
21
Not that I’m assuming you were on the edge of your seat on this henna belly business or anything, but in case you WERE interested, just a tiny bit, here’s how the design turned out:
(OH HAI MY GIGANTOR BELLY IS GOING TO EAT YOU MONCH MONCH MONCH)
I think the artist did an amazing job, especially considering how often STP kicked and squirmed during the whole process.
It took about an hour, and it was oddly relaxing — almost like a massage. She used wonderful-smelling essential oils and the sensation of the henna dispenser thingie was like having someone lightly trace your skin with their fingernail. This is how the artwork looked right after she finished it, the dark inky part will flake off and leave a much lighter auburnish tone. I plan to take more pictures at that point, but thought I’d capture the fresh-henna look because it’s almost as pretty as the final result.
Yes, that’s the letter D in the middle of the design, but I’m not telling what it stands for. Maybe it has to do with Smalltopus’s name, maybe it’s a secret message from me to the baby, maybe it just means DORK.
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