Dec
20
December 20, 2006
We still don’t have Comcast back online at home, so we are deNIED on the internet/phone/TV front. Not that I’m complaining! Well, actually, I am. But I’m complaining in a grateful-to-have-electricity kind of way.
JB went out and bought an antennae so we could see the Survivor finale last Sunday, because dude, we had spent too many weeks watching that stupid show to miss out on the last episode. Which, by the way, if you watch it live instead of recording it in order to skip the commercials later, is three solid hours of reality television. My butt actually hurt from being parked on the couch for so long, which is…just sad, really.
I was rooting for Ozzie, because clearly he is some kind of monkey/fish/human hybrid who deserved to win just because he kicked so much ass during the challenges. He also looked like he needed money more than Yul, who could easily make a million dollars hawking Bowflex. (“Hi, I’m Yul from Survivor. This incredibly chiseled torso can be yours in just minutes a day!”)
Hey, was it just me, or was this season RIFE with unintentional hilarity? A couple of shows back, the commentary during one of the challenges went like this: “Ozzie, raising his pole! Yul, making his pole bigger! Whose pole will be stronger? Whose pole will rub against another pole and grow several sizes in a hot display of forbidden pole-on-pole love?”
I may have made up the last sentence but I swear the rest of it was actual dialogue. There also some “so-and-so’s flag is rising!” talk from another challenge which cracked me up, because I am twelve years old.
(Let us not mention who actually won, or who was in the final tribal council, or what commercials played during the show, for the DVR has ruined, I say RUINED, my ability to BS water-cooler-style with you guys. Ffft.)
Am I still talking about Survivor? I am. Lame. Here’s what I meant to say: in case I don’t get online again before the holiday, I hope you have a wonderful, merry, festive time, whatever you’re celebrating, and if you’re not celebrating anything, then happy weekend to you.
JB and I and Riley and Dog are driving to Eugene on Saturday, where we’re staying with JB’s brother. He’s on call (he’s a funeral director, and I guess people just keep on dying, don’t they) over the holidays, so we’ll all be at his house to maximize the possibility of spending time together. After that, we’re heading to Coos Bay for at least part of the week.
Okay! How about you? Let me know what you’re doing for the holidays/weekend.
Dec
19
December 19, 2006
First: if you are without power in your home or you have a loved one who is still without power and in need of somewhere warm to stay, please email me. My house is not exactly the Ritz, but we do have the heat on. Plus: cold slimy dog nose! No extra charge!
There must be some residual traffic light outages in my neighborhood because traffic has been a complete nightmare the last two days. It took me an hour and a half to crawl the few miles between daycare and my house last night, with Riley in the backseat crying the entire time. Let me tell you, if I ever wake in the night screaming and clawing out my eyeballs with my bare hands, it will be because the memory of that drive came back to haunt my goddamned dreams.
The storm also delayed a few of Workplace’s various Macworld projects, since some local vendors were out of power and couldn’t print our brochures, T-shirts, etc. My window of time during which everything must be done or DOOOOM (see also: DOOOOOOOOOM!) has shrunk to a nail-bitingly small number of days, and I would just like to state for the record that whoever scheduled the Macworld Expo for right after the holidays should be sentenced to one (1) ninety-minute car ride in traffic with a pissed-off, hungry, tired toddler.
Okay, I need to stop with the whining, so let’s go to commercial:
Hey, good-lookin’. I’m single, attractive, and height/weight proportionate with what my mom rudely calls a “South-Park sized” head. I enjoy pointing at things, refusing to eat, and spinning in circles until I fall down. You be: handy with a sippy cup, prepared to wear stain-resistant clothing, and talented at imitating various farm animals. ISO people to boss around and to throw this weird plastic ball for me.
One of our favorite games to play with Riley lately has to do with – I know, I know – mocking the local news some more. There’s a guy named Jesse Jones who signs off his broadcast with a robust, “This is JESSE JONES…KING 5 NEWS,” and JB repeated it one night in a loud, blustering voice and it seemed to crack Riley up. So now we yell it – “Jessie Jones…KING 5 NEWS!!” – and Riley yells back, “WA ba baaa!”. It’s hilarious, except for the part where I’m not sure if we should really be encouraging him to yell because sometimes, you know, the yelling is truly fucking annoying.
The boy has been a snot/drool factory over the last several days and I have given up on trying to figure out if it’s related to teeth or virus. He refuses 9 out of 10 meals we try and feed him, with great dramatic head-turnings, vicious swipes of his little grubby paws, and hiccuping sobs of Sorrow and Woe. I tell myself it doesn’t matter, that he’ll eat when he’s hungry, and to not make some big flipping deal out of it, then find myself trying to create some kind of elaborate puppet show with a sock in order to distract him for long enough to slip one singe solitary spoonful of food in his mouth for the love of god just eat a little bit please please please please.
He loves saltine crackers, though. Cannot get enough of the Nabisco Premiums. My child is living on sodium and processed white flour, and I am the BEST MOM EVER.
Please, won’t someone give me fruits or vegetables? I am filled with simple carbohydrates. I mourn.
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