Jun
7
June 7, 2006
So hey, you may be thinking, whatever happened with the KY Sensual Mist Lubricant?
Well, I’ll tell you, but first I have to warn off the conservative folk because this is some NC-17 shit right here. I mean, send the children out of the room, okay? I – oh gosh, I don’t even know if I can do this. Breathe, breathe. Okay. Ready?
I put it away and forgot all about it.
(HOT!)
Then I was cleaning out the drawers of our bureau in preparation for moving it so the painters could work (my socks and underwear are currently in a paper bag next to the cat’s food bowl. Have I mentioned lately how much I’m enjoying the remodel?) and I was like, oh yeah! Lube! And not the kind left by drywall contractors!
I have to say, I’m not sure I approve of the spray-on method. It kind of seems like a way to keep from having to actually touch the ooky sex bits, doesn’t it? However, I see that in the Official Press Release, it’s “actually a new activity, developed to inspire a spirit of play, to liberate couples to be more adventurous and express themselves more fully.”
Hey, and I have been wanting to express myself more fully lately, too. Who knew it was as simple as a healthy blast of spray-on lubricant? Fuck art, go with lube.
I tried the “warming” style on my arm, being a little fearful of dousing my delicate girl parts with something that might end up feeling like Ben-Gay. It did in fact feel a little warm, but not the cayenne burn I had worried about. Maybe if you used a LOT it would sear off your privates. Then again, some people might really like that (warning: that link may physically remove the last of your childlike innocence).
JB was disdainful of KY in general, spray variety or not. “It’s okay at first, but then it gets sticky“. I am here to report that the Sensual Mist did not in fact become sticky, but neither was it as…um….slickery as it could have been. Let’s just say it was not the sort of lube that could be used in a single solitary droplet on the surface of a Slip-n-Slide in order to create the most dangerous wasterslide on earth. Let’s just say if you were in prison, you would want something a little more robust than KY Sensual Mist.
Overall, it earns low points from me, for both being a product that must be delivered in a namby-pamby fashion (“could you sort of turn this way so I can spray you, honey?”) and for failing to truly deliver on the lubrication front. It does come in a cute little package, though, which is more than I can say for this, which trumps the hell out of KY’s performance but is not something you want a baggage inspector to hold up in a crowded airport.
Um, that’s what I heard, anyway.
Jun
6
Oh how I love the internet. For it has given me Ceiling Cat. And Hammer-Bitchslapping Cat. And Freaky Biped Dog (I sent that link to a coworker, who wrote back “It walks as we do! ARMAGEDDON”). And The Hardest Working Dog in Show Business.
Man, that last one is so awesome it actually made me tear up a little bit. What a great dog. I can’t help but think the dog is enjoying himself/herself, but I suppose that woman has raw liver stuffed down her pants or something.
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