Feb
28
I was thinking about posting this photo with the caption “Toddler’s First Goatse” but then I thought to myself, self, just how fast do you want to go to hell anyway?
Hey, how about we have us a photo namin’ contest? I mean, I’ve got this assembly-line brain drain going on from being stuck at home doing the same tasks over and over and over: feed baby, change baby, pry embedded LEGO from the arch of my foot, feed baby, change baby, run a load of 4828951 burp rags through the laundry, feed baby, change baby, fantasize about driving to the hospital in order to locate the nurse who scoldingly informed JB and I that bottle-fed babies should be able to go 4 hours between feedings and punching her in the face, etc, and really, I could use some fun distractions.
The rules are thusly: you post your best title idea in the comments section, and I’ll pick my favorite based on a complicated set of criteria involving a decision grid and Excel pivot table (what? Just because I don’t actually know what a pivot table is doesn’t mean I won’t use one). The winner receives a $50 Amazon gift certificate.
It’s just like Ree’s photo contests, except the prize is way less awesome! And the photo isn’t exactly frameworthy, either!
One entry per person, leave your email address so I know how to get in touch with you, contest ends sometime between tonight and tomorrow. Remember, crude porn references only send the parent to hell, not the impartial, innocent internet reader.
:::
UPDATE: contest now closed!
Comments
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Hey, Henry has that same sleeper! Wait, that’s not my caption. Still thinking about the caption.
“No way! You’ll never believe what I just saw Bert and Ernie doing online!!!”
“Hey Mom! Did you know that there are people who like to f**k stuffed animals?!? I better hide my favorite octopus!”
I’m scared that my mind went dirty immediately. :)
Riley caves to preschool pressure and gets first viewing of “2 girls 1 sippy cup”.
“I had no idea that Daddy and Mommy could move in THAT way!!!”
“Why is daddy doing that to Mommy?”
“Hey! I found another venue for Elmo!”
Heh.
who knows.
jennb33 [at] gmail [dot] com
okay so i know the contest just started and all and that i am not even on the judges panel, but Michelle gets my vote…
I didn’t know THAT’S what they meant by a donkey show!
I’m on yur blog…
…statin’ mys pinions…
1- “BRITNEY SPEARS DID WHAT, NOW?!?!?!”
2- “Holy cow, mom! If you take any more pictures of Dylan and I, your hard drive is gonna’ explode!”
Michelle totally ganked my train of thought – I was going right to “2 Girls 1 Cup.” Apparently I am an unoriginal bastard. Give me a moment, I’ll be back.
Mommy, those two girls just ate poo!
Mom! you can buy Legos on Ebay!
Oops, and my e-mail is: anaiscasamayor@gmail.com
“Oooooh Mommy Dora’s biting Diego’s Weenie! Right HERE!!! LOOK!”
“I couldn’t have left that lego there. I was dead at the time!”
Captions, schmaptions. This is a painting emergency. I MUST know what that wall color is! (Because, dude. Seriously. I’ve spent all 4 of my days off staring at paint chips and I STILL haven’t picked a color. I should’ve been done by now!)
“Riley discovers QMov.com is totally FREE”
“I had no idea Mom and Dad were into THAT!”
I IN YR COMPUTR…
DELETIN’ MY SUSSPISHIN
I don’t know if I can beat the goatse one. Here goes:
“You made fun of me on the Internet? You are SO paying for my therapy.”
“There’s no Santa Claus?”
“Oh no, the fed cut interest rates again!”
“I can’t believe you and Daddy fudged the numbers on your capital losses in 2006!”
“Your viral protection hasn’t been updated since November!”
“You told me that Dylan came from the cabbage patch, but that’s not what your website says.”
“What does ‘Dirty Sanchez’ mean, Mommy?”
OMG I am in tears here laughing!! Please stop!!! LOL
Riley discovers his parents are hacks who purchased a NON-MAC KEYBOARD.
Whooooa! Elmo is getting TOO FEAKY!!
“What my blue slide is actually used for THAT?!?”
My husband’s contribution: “Riley discovers that Bert, Ernie, and Mr. Hooper’s ‘lemonparty’ involves much more than cake and Spongebob decorations.”
ewwww, he just broke my brain!
Did you just see what that man did to that dolphin?
“Oooooooooh! That was lubricating jelly on the counter in the bathroom? I thought it tasted like grape!”
And, I apologize for being gross. But it totally fit the expression of suprise.
“How can I ever eat chicken again?!?”
The true author of the witty Sundry Mourning blog is revealed.
“Oh, Mommy’s got a potty mouth! I’m so tellin’ Dad and Mommy’s gonna GET IT!”
Mommy, can you get me a set of these? They are so much bigger than yours!
Dad electrified the keyboard again Mom!
“What these eyes have seen cannot been unseen”
Okay, that’s my caption and I’m sticking to it. I love his expression, though. : )
My mommy has a BLOG!?
“Whoa! The internet IS a big truck!”
Excellent work, Michelle. I was going right for that, too, although your addition of “sippy cup” is way beyond my abilities.
Nuh Uh, its MYspace
“RIWWY TYPE! MOMMMMMMY WOOK! RIWWY TYPE! MOMMMMMEEEE!”
“I wuz buying it for you! Really! Cuz I love you mommy!” myfreshhell at hotmail dot com.
What is that guy doing to that dolphin!?
That looks like one of those perfect – “oooooh I’m telling – you’re gonna get in trouble!!!!!!!” pictures. Just wait till the boys get older…..
MOM! You told me babies come out of your tummy – but this ladies tummy is very low”
Well, since Michelle beat me to the 2 girls reference….
“The End of Innocence”
Toddler discovers e-mail – shocked to learn he, too, can gain three extra inches!
THAT’S WHAT DADDY’S BLUE PILLS DO?!?!
Oh. My. Gawd. Mommy, look at her butt!
“You TOLD them about that? TOO FWEAKY!”
“ZOMG! You been writinz about me on ur blogz?!”
hahaha Leah!
How did you figure out I was a Ninja?! Those weren’t even my ‘good’ ninja eyes!
“I told you I would tell the bloggers about this!”