John and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary on Friday. 1) Yes, we got married on Cinco de Mayo, shut up, and 2) gosh, sixteen years. This was an occasion for which I had a terrible time finding the right card, let me tell you. Most anniversary cards are spectacularly gooey, festooned with chirpy/insipid romantic declarations and zero mention of the far-more-important issues of compromise and forgiveness and sacrifice and fuckups and repair that accumulate along the way, not to mention all the heartbreak and limitations of being human, even (especially?) a loving human. I mean, long-term marriages are packed with so much heavy-duty adulting I feel like that’s what should be acknowledged as opposed to flowery-script soulmate poetry, but I suppose “Let us recognize the complex and sometimes-shiteous terrain we have navigated together while solemnly exchanging no-whammy fist bumps for making it this far because damn” might not jive with the soft-focus clinking champagne glasses.

Well. After sixteen years, no card is needed to express what I feel above all else: I’m so deeply grateful for this beautiful, messy, amazing life we’ve built together.

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jennbb33
jennbb33
5 years ago

We’re going on 18 this September, together 20 in July. VERY precarious these days…. congratulations on your anniversary!

Jenny
Jenny
5 years ago

Happy anniversary to you both!

Tara
Tara
5 years ago

Happy sweet 16 indeed! I, too, fail to find the right verse that encompasses “Thanks for putting up with my bullshit, not that you’re a treat all day every day, but I’m probably far worse and overanalyzing this and taking a sweet moment like celebrating our relationship and distilling it to an awkward therapy session. Love me anyway?”

Karen Pappel
Karen Pappel
5 years ago

Oh I so understand looking for that perfect card to say what you really feel…fought with that for years. I am so happy for you both – Happy Anniversary to you both and here’s to many more happy anniversaries together. <3

Pat
Pat
5 years ago

I LOVE this — so true but I’ve never heard anyone else say what I think. If you have traversed the rocky terrain of marriage for more than a few years you’ll agree! next challenge is when your kids are full into teenage years, and total shits — try buying a ‘hallmark’ card that doesn’t make you feel like a fake. I always went for the funny card — now that they are adults I can finally find one that suits how I feel about them!

elizabeth_k
elizabeth_k
5 years ago

Congrats and yes — totally — we’re coming up on 10 and it just feels like the card should say: We knew NOTHING and still know very little, and yet, LOOK! WE MADE IT THIS FAR. Celebrate the miracle — and congrats.

T. Glasgow
T. Glasgow
5 years ago

Happy Anniversary you crazy lovebirds!!!!

dani
dani
5 years ago

let’s make that card and sell it.

M
M
5 years ago

This is exactly what I needed to read today, so thank you for sharing it. Your perspective truly is a big deal for me today.

Also – congratulations. That is such a milestone and well worth celebrating!

anne nahm
5 years ago

Happy Anniversary!

Donna Brubach
Donna Brubach
5 years ago

Love to you both and a ton more years together!!!

Jen in Germany
Jen in Germany
5 years ago

Congratulations to you both!

nonsoccermom
5 years ago

Our 16th is next month and this shit is HARD. Challenges are resolved and then something else surfaces and we’re busy with the kids and don’t have time to talk. And just tonight we had a long discussion/pseudo-argument about how I don’t listen to him or consider his opinion on “the big stuff”. Sigh.

In other words, I hear you. Congratulations on sweet 16!

Em
Em
5 years ago

Happy anniversary! So happy for you.

Mary Clare
Mary Clare
5 years ago

Happy Anniversary! You summed up marriage well: messy and beautiful. You don’t get through long-term relationships with a heavy dose of both of those adjectives. Best wishes for this chapter!

Mary Clare
Mary Clare
5 years ago

I meant “without” a heavy dose… =)