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Jun
28
In the last few days, I’ve been noticing some new additions to our backyard. Like this guy:
And this one:
And these fellows:
Like, every single time I look outside there’s a mess of motherfucking squirrels nearby. It’s almost a little creepy.
Also, is that a—?
Yes. Yes it is.
I’m not sure if it’s because there’s no dog in the backyard now or if we accidentally bought the No Mess Wild Birdfeed Seeds: Black Tar Heroin Variety, but at least the kids are entertained. Although having your children constantly talk like the dog from Up gets a little old after a while.
“Hey Mom do you SQUIRREL! know where my green army SQUIRREL! guy is because SQUIRREL! I can’t find him.”
I bought a fancy squirrel-proof feeder and I put out a special Sweet Corn Squirrel Log (”The compressed sweet corn log keeps the squirrels busy and away from your bird feeders!”) but they’re still there. Everywhere.
Where did they come from? Why have they suddenly set up camp in our backyard? Who knew ducks could be so LURKY? Where did this particular squirrel get a goddamned Eggo?
No answers. Only questions.
Comments
66 Responses to “Wildlife safari”
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Maybe that’s the AFLAC duck lurking on your roof? Too funny…makes me think of that ad with the suspicious groundhog…duh duh duuuh! (dramatic music)
That last squirrel looks like he’s ready to attack if anyone dare try to take his damn Eggo, too.
This has completely made my night.
LOL….
He even has the leggo my eggo face.
I am crying I am laughing so hard. That was awesome and toatally made my night.
oh man. i just laughed out loud. amazing.
I got nothin.
But thank you. Thank you so much. I love squirrels, but I love ducks more. There’s nothing cuter in the world than a baby duck. I’d be feeding the hell out of all of them only it looks like Waffle house is already open!
So funny! I don’t know how a duck could be LURKY. Isn’t it supposed to be turkeys?
Love the “Black Tar Heroin Variety!”
Love.
I fucking HATE squirrels. I saw two wild hares in my side yard just this morning; set out two baby carrots for them if they come back before the effing squirrels get to them. If you start seeing other creatures come by twos and it starts to rain head for the hills! lol
Hah!! If you feed them they will come back for more! But if you really want the squirrels to evacuate, buy the giant cayenne pepper container at Sam’s club and sprinkle it around, sets their little tongues on fire. No clue about ducks though – maybe he wants to watch some tv? A little Phinneas & Ferb?
WTF? That squirrel is having a better breakfast than I get most mornings! If I wanted a waffle I would have to make it myself and these little ‘rats-but-in-a-cuter-outfit’ get it served up to them??? Ugh! Okay, yeah, I am jealous of a squirrel now. Fantastic.
LOVE your blog! Thanks for making me laugh!
Fantastic pictures! And very funny commentary. Thanks for the chuckle this cold, drizzy morning!
Awesome pics! Pretty sure it might have something to do with Dog being gone. I can’t wait to show my kid the Eggo picture. It will blow his mind!
Does the squirrel know that an Eggo isn’t an appropriate snack? That he is just contributing to the obesity problem in the squirrel community?????
Sorry had to do it ;)
Love the first squirrel photo! We have a crap-ton of squirrels in our neighborhood. They sit right outside our kitchen window and slowly munch on whatever food they have found while my cats lose their ever living minds right on the other side of the window.
Eggo? I just spit my coffee. WTF
What are you doing feeding waffles to a squirrel? Waffles are NOT a snack. Way to contribute to the squirrelhood obesity epidemic.
LOL!! Leggo my eggo!
I bought one of those squirrel logs once. The next morning it was gone. I did not want to see whatever was big enough to haul it away in the dark … in the night …
One of my friends bought a squirrel bungee – attach corn to a bungee cord, essentially. He was really entertained by watching the rodent pounce, then boing. The kids might like that… :)
You are a fantastic photographer, too! Perfectly captured the squirrelly habits of your subjects. And the lurking.
I SNORTED at the darker picture of the duck. Also, my husband would have an effing coronary if he saw that in our yard. I say it is because the dog is gone and the critters KNOW it which is freaky weird. So along with the sunflowers, your dog was keeping the wildlife at bay too?!
The squirrels in our neighborhood are as big as cats, and I secretly fear they want to jump on me and eat my face.
I think it is because they know they can get waffles at your house. I’d come too if I knew I could get an eggo for breakfast.
And yes, that squirrel does look like it will cut a bitch if you touch that eggo.
Nature; it’ll getcha someday!
I also love the dark duck photo – very ominous and foreboding looking. And in the other picture he seems to be look RIGHT AT YOU. Are you sure it’s a live animal and not a surveillance robot?
I think neighbor cats outnumber the squirrels in my back yard right now. They seem to be enamoured with our chickens. When they get too comfy or smug, a BB gun helps them to gain some perspective (for a while anyway).
Perhaps your neighbors are throwing Eggos in your backyard to keep the little guys away from their feeders? We thought about tossing catnip seeds over the fence to persuade cats to go elsewhere…
I will have to research that bungee feeder…
Cracking up over here! The two little guys facing each other on the rail look like two fake squirrels my grandmother had as lawn ornaments. As far as ducks, I have ALWAYS thought they were creepy. Have you ever been chased by one? It is terrifying! Favorite: “No Mess Wild Birdfeed Seeds: Black Tar Heroin Variety,” although the kids’ impression of Dug the Dog is also hilarious. For me.
Ha ha ha! RATS IN DRAG!!!
Great shots, Linda. That last one is priceless! I agree it is probably the absence of Dog that is bringing the wildlife to your yard.
I also have this incredible mental image of the bungee feeder that I think will keep the smile on my face all day.
Now is that squirrel having Breakfast or is it just a Snack? It looks like a Snack to me.
I would guess it is lack of a dog. The other day I saw a dog chase a robin off territory so I think they are pretty big deterrents.
The week after we put our last dog down, we went away for a few days. We came back to what can only be described as the after-party to Groundhog Hedonism.
It’s definitely the Lack of Dog.
I miss her for you.
The duck at night is a scream and so is the squirrel with the waffle.
Becky and Laura – HAHAHA!
We have a ton of squirrels in our backyard and we have a dog who chases them (and has actually caught one probably due to the fact that she was a stray fending for herself for a few months before we got her – she’s tough). I’m quite certain that if our dog wasn’t there we’d be overrun with rodents.
There were a pair of ducks and some ducklings living in our neighbor’s bushes last Spring. You know you live someplace where there has been too damned much rain when ducks nest in your bushes and there isn’t technically a wetland around for miles. Pacific NW “Spring” strikes again.
HA!!! What a great post.
And Becky and Laura-HAHAHAHA..also, I was totally going to post that. LOVE the lurky duck. That’s effin hilarious.
Love this post. I saw a squirrel steal a Rolo from a store once. Definitely one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
Squirrels… the leaders of the animal conspiracy.
I swear to God, only you could make a post about the squirrels in your backyard this entertaining.
I once saw a squirrel on campus with a ho-ho shoved into his mouth. Really made me wish I had my camera.
Oh yeah. When our dog passed away two years ago, we started seeing more wildlife in our Seattle backyard. The squirrels now run a full-on brothel, the crows strut around like mob bosses, and the raccoons stroll across the back lawn in broad daylight. It’s definitely a little creepy.
Sorry for the loss of your Dog. We lost our beagle suddenly, and it took me a good year to get used to her being gone. :(
The eggo picture made this post. Hilarious.
Since that pack of coyotes moved into our yard, we’ve had very few squirrels. Dangerous? Absolutely. Loud? Sure, but very effective rodent control.
(I wish I was kidding.)
@Marolyn – ‘…leaders of the animal conspiracy…’ hehe…I think you’re right. I once took a photography course and was taking shots on the UW campus. I got down on one knee to take a pic of a building and one of the squirrels that rule the campus grounds RAN UP MY BACK AND STOLE PEANUTS FROM MY BACKPACK.
The little fu#$er…
Even the squirrels get waffles for a snack at your place!
Ahaha. that last eggo line caught me offguard and i just giggled out loud. and i’m not alone here today. hahaha thanks.
Let me tell you about that goose. I lived in a high rise by a river. First summer we had three nesting couples living right around us, and it was so CUTE to see the baby geese swimming and walking behind the parent while the other parent brought up the rear. One of them had one gosling (which we immediately named Uno), one couple had 4 and one had 5.
By the second year all the goslings were grown up and maybe a few cousins moved down from Canada, because suddenly we had about 20 nesting couples, and they had… oh, you don’t want to hear it. But the babies ceased being adorable and became very ho-hum to us, and the noise! Not to mention the goose shit!!!
Beware.
Becky, Laura, etc — took the words right out of my mouth. My God, this entry and the comments are hilarious!
I live in Bellevue too and they are seriously everywhere. I have never seen this many around. Good thing they are cute though!
A couple of months after my dog died, the rats moved in. To my house. Here’s hoping your critters stick to the backyard.
My toddler calls them all “mouse”. There’s nothing quite like having a 2 year old shriek “MAMA, MOUSE!” to raise your heart rate. I usually get in a little cardio jumping up onto a chair before I realize he means squirrel.
Okay, the squirrel with the Eggo is too much. Awesome, hilarious, and freaky all at once!
The duck! He immediately made me snort-laugh. How the heck does a duck get on a roof?! So funny.
We had squirrels EVERYWHERE at the college I went to. They were protected. They would seriously stand right in the sidewalk of where you were going to walk with this “Dare You” look. It was kind of creepy when they would fall out of the trees around you.
Oh, those compressed logs keep the squirrels busy, alright. For about 2 minutes.
Uh, have you checked your freezer? I’d hate to think that squirrel has been helping himself to a snack…
I totally snort/laughed when I read the last line. Now I keep humming “my waffles bring all the squirrels (and a duck) to my yard…”
Thanks for the laugh, that is hilarious. The squirrels (and lurky duck) are taking over and I do think it’s because you don’t have, um, protection (?) any longer. I don’t think I will ever get tired of quotes from “Up”. Do you not agree with that which I am saying to you now?
We just moved to a neighborhood in Salem that has a male and female peacock pair which we have, of course, named both “Kevin”. We can’t feed the little tweety birds or squirrels because, I have been told, the big birds will take up permanent residence. And they are LOUD at 3:00/4:00 in the morning.
One girlfriend had – no shit – twenty-five on her deck last week. Another had a chipmunk in her house last night. Not to rub salt, but do you think it could have to do with the absence of Dog? When my parents lost their Lab last year, chipmunks basically walked up to their front door, flipped them the bird, and giggled tiny, evil chipmunk laughs.
LOL! The Eggo cracks me up!! Love it!
This has nothing to do with this post (sorry lol) and not sure if you’ve covered this or even know.. but i stumbled upon a picture of you on This is Photobomb.
Somewhere near by, a small child is crying on his back deck, one waffle short of a full breakfast…
I know you REALLY don’t want to and you’re not ready, but have you thought that maybe, possibly, the universe is trying to tell you to take that dog from the breeder? Maybe :)
Doesn’t that squirrel know that WAFFLES ARE NOT A SNACK!?!
Squirrel with a waffle LOLZ. Only wildlife we get here are lawn-wrecking gopher fucks and raccoons that wake us up in the ballpark of 3 am all summer long. I’d take an Eggo theiving squirrel.
@Shawna hahahaha classic.
I was just reading Outblush when I saw this and immediately knew you had to know about this fabulous home accessory which seems so timely….
http://www.cb2.com/new-accessories/new/squirrelly-18%22×12%22-pillow/f6784
Sweet Jesus, Mary & Joseph you are funny -
A dog is what you need for two very important reasons: 1. Your squirrel problem will be instantly solved and 2. the hole in your heart will begin to heal.
You didn’t see them before for a reason – dog is squirrel’s natural enemy, in a Wiley Coyote vs. Roadrunner sort of way.
OMG…..where did the squirrel get an ego…I almost peed my pants!